last day of may...

 It's kind of funny for me to reflect back on what my life was like around this same time one year ago.  I was anxiously expecting my new baby to arrive any day (although he showed up 12 days late with much prompting!).  We were on pins and needles with excitement to meet this little baby and to find out just how our lives would change...something it seemed we could only know for certain once it really happened.  It took me a long, long time to adjust to having a baby suddenly be a part of our family, my life, my world.  While I loved him wholeheartedly the very second I saw him, and still feel as though my heart may burst with so much love pretty much every time I look at him, it was a really immense and difficult change for me.  And almost a year later, I think I'm still adjusting! I've been thinking back now on how one prepares for a baby.  At least the way I prepared...and wow, being on the other side now some things seem so silly to me!  Here's what I did:  Get the nursery ready by spending copious amounts of time reading reviews and ordering/registering baby gear online, knit cute little socks & a sweater, make a mobile, sew a quilt, buy Dreft and wash up tiny adorable baby things, take childbirth & nursing classes, nest and organize the house from top to bottom, attend fun baby showers, dream about how snuggly cozy each day will be with a little one tucked in my arms, think about how he will nap all the time, anywhere I want to bring him, how I'll just toss the baby in a sling and continue on with my life, etc, etc.  But the reality for me was so different.  And I kept asking myself those first few weeks, and even asking some people...why didn't anyone tell me how HARD it is to have a baby, to be a mom?  At the time I felt like it was some big secret that everyone seemed to keep from me.  Maybe they didn't want to burst my bubble.  And I probably wouldn't have believed them anyways.  I mean, I knew there would be some sleepless nights and dirty diapers and crying jags...but that and all the other million little things in between, added up to a reality that took a whole lot of adjusting to.  The whole world looked different to me once this baby came into my world.  And I had no family close by to rely on...I didn't realize how much I would need that support or miss them.  I couldn't have my mom run over for an hour to hold my baby when I so desperately needed that.  And now I can still count on one hand, almost a year later, the times that he's slept through the night.  And he's never been much of a good napper.  Or really all that snuggly.  Plus, that tiny newborn infant period passes so quickly and in a bit of a blur of utter exhaustion, yet that seemed to be the period that I spent the most time before the baby preparing for, dreaming about, and thinking would go on and on forever!  Now looking back, I should have been preparing for all those days beyond infancy...the days of feeding him solids, helping him to sleep better (if possible?), baby-proofing our entire house better, learning how to potty train, how to deal with little tantrums effectively, discipline (still too young for much of that thankfully!), teaching him well...everything!..and so much more.  So now in many ways, my life is so completely new and different...and in other ways, its the same as ever.  I wouldn't change a thing.  I don't want to sound as though I have it hard.  Because I feel so blessed every single day.  And I can't imagine my life without this little boy now.  But it was just and still is something that has taken a lot of time to figure out...for me...probably not for everyone. And just when I think I've got it figured out, something changes and I have to figure things out all over again!  So, I'm not sure why I went on about that...but one thing that has gotten back to the same as ever is my affection for my little garden in the woods.  Last summer, my garden had a bit of a break from being tended to very much as I had no free time with a newborn. It was neglected, overrun with weeds and slugs. And at the time I didn't really care what happened to it.  I was overwhelmed and could barely manage to get just the basic things done.  But this spring, my plants all came back up again, giving me another chance at it.  And now that I once again have a little more time for frivolous things like "gardening"  (sorry, mum, I know that's not frivolous to you!), I can get back to taking care of it a little more properly.  Its been fun to see how many of the plants have become more established after being in the ground there for a few years now.  I finally finally have a 2 lovely little clusters of Lily-of-the-Valley plants (my favorite flower) that I can count on to come up each spring.  And the sweet Linnea plant (last photo) which I found near the cabin about 3 years ago and transplanted a little bit of in my garden is now finally going to enjoy its first bloom this summer!  All this reminds me that good things, most wonderful things in life, take time to establish, to adjust.